This Bon Jovi song “I’ll be there for you” has been playing distantly at the background; a cliché song from the 1980s but it’s still great to listen to the legendary Rock Star Ballad of the 80s.
Sometimes, I worry so much about what people think of me. Strangers too. The other day I had this contemplation of how people (my friends mostly) tend to treat me; No. I don’t plan on playing the victim card here. What I meant is, despite they know how fragile I can be or probably how stupid I could be for being too nice and let-everything-slide; I even wondered if they even respect me after they witness how my mentor/friend treated me with his ruthless attitude (with respect) to help me build a character that I am about to build up. As they have seen me going through this process of “changing” they probably might have decided to take advantage of my weakness and do the same thing to belittle me. Then again those are just thoughts.
My capacity for disappointments is boundless, as one who has stolen a glimpse of the better things to come. I countlessly make mistakes. I have learnt, and I won’t stop learning. My future depends on how I can shape myself up today. I admit one of my flaws is having loads of excuses and has become part of my disappointment that I truly want to change about myself.
The past disappointments have probably made me passive-aggressive person, like the saying goes “Sometimes, when you can’t change something/situation, it changes you.”
I can’t change anything about that past heartbreak but it definitely made me a different person today. It made me weak. It made me someone who couldn’t forgive but seek revenge. It irritated me of who I am right now.
I wonder what people I don’t know think of me as.
Or am I just Paranoid?